Wow... it has been one month, one week and one hour since my last post! No, this is not an exclamation of excitement, more akin to a cringe and shake of the head. Life has been busy. Scratch that, life has been crazy, tiring and... crazy. I am so grateful for my darling husband who replaced our sewer line (saving us at least $2000!), replaced the fuel pump in the truck (saving at least another few hundred dollars), and has been patient and loving with me even as I've been snapping at him out of exhaustion and frustration the last couple (or few?) weeks.
I missed a week of work -minus three hours that I went in and barely lasted- when I was sick last month. I am truly grateful for my supervisors who are incredibly understanding and supportive. I'm not sure how I would be able to keep working if it weren't for their grace.
The combined stress of money-leeching household emergencies and lots on my plate at work has been wreaking havoc on my physical and mental health. I feel like I can't concentrate anymore, as I am always trying to make sure I'm not forgetting something important.
It's December 2nd... just 23 days until Christmas. I don't feel any spark, flitter or twinge of Christmas spirit. We are not buying gifts this year, frankly because we can't afford anything non-essential. I don't have any of my Christmas decorations out because that takes energy, "spoons" that I don't have enough of. I really hope to find some spirit of Christmas somewhere deep inside, soon. I don't want to be a grinch.
I want a family. Not one just made up of felines, canine and husband. What is the point of doing what we do if not to support and raise children of our own? Why own a house and work our tails off, if not to prepare for adding to our family? Mom will be an awesome grandmother. Dad a super fun(ny) grandpa. My sweet sister will be darling as Crazy Auntie Amanda. My brothers, though not living as close, will be happy (maybe thrilled?) to be uncles. Honestly, I can't wait. After all, the longer we wait the older we get... and the harder it may be.
These are my thoughts most prominent lately. Scattered, random and foggy. Thanks for listening, I will try to check in again soon.