I feel... deflated? Elated? Relieved? I realize it's really good news that my spine is (most likely) not affected by the rheumatoid disease. I am glad to not be adding any new medication and happy that I am actually able to decrease the prednisone by 2.5 mg. So why the hesitation? Why the anxious, unsettled, drowning feeling? Am I just waiting for the other shoe to drop? Do I really wish my spine pain was inflammation due to the disease? Why would anyone wish for that?!? I know, because it's a definite answer. It is a for-sure reason for the horrific pain that has come and gone the past few weeks. I don't want to go to physical therapy to "learn how to manage". I don't want to have another medical facility get to know me by name and expect to see me regularly. I don't have time for that! I just want a quick answer and treatment, and then to get on with my life. But I suppose, this is my life now. I just need to accept the facts and do what I can to learn, cope and live well.
Wish me luck. Or better yet, pray for me to quit being a whiny baby and "just do it". :-)