The other night I was reading my Bible. For the first time in... a long time, probably months. I had no idea where to start, what book would best bring the knowledge I was searching for, so I ended up (as I usually do) in Psalms. It may be the poetic, musical quality, or the way I feel akin to David a lot of times, but Psalms always reaches the deepest in me. I browsed for a while, not stopping too long on any one passage, when finally a verse caught me. Psalm 27:14 "Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." I read and re-read the words a few times, pondering their meaning, soaking it in. They gave me a reason to rest, to stop the worry.
Then I started thinking... why is it so hard to say "Your will be done Lord"? Hold on, rewind. Maybe I should ask first, do any of you also have a hard time saying this? I have realized very recently that when I pray or talk to God at all, generally I am asking for strength, peace or comfort. Sometimes I ask for healing or courage for a friend or family member and often I am just saying a simple, heartfelt thanks for whatever good thing has arisen or burden has been lightened. But rarely (read "never") do I say directly to the Lord "Your will be done". What is so scary about these simple words?
I have a theory:
I am selfish. Close-minded. Stubborn. Scared of being challenged. Mistrusting of His plan. If I "give in" and let God do what He wills, I am opening up to more hurt, more challenge and less time in my comfort zone.
I know in my head that I can trust my Lord because He is the One all-knowing, all-loving King of Kings. I know His plan is best and I cannot fathom how great, wonderful and all-encompassing it is. I know... but I still doubt, am weak and want easy answers. Lord I believe, please help my unbelief.