When Good News is Hard to Take

Saw my rheumatologist today. We talked about my back pain, stiffness and decreased range of motion. We talked about medications and effects, fatigue and exercise. She sent me downstairs for x-rays of my spine, "just to be sure" and gave me a referral to physical therapy. If nothing abnormal shows up on the x-rays I don't need to see her again until April.

I feel... deflated? Elated? Relieved? I realize it's really good news that my spine is (most likely) not affected by the rheumatoid disease. I am glad to not be adding any new medication and happy that I am actually able to decrease the prednisone by 2.5 mg. So why the hesitation? Why the anxious, unsettled, drowning feeling? Am I just waiting for the other shoe to drop? Do I really wish my spine pain was inflammation due to the disease? Why would anyone wish for that?!? I know, because it's a definite answer. It is a for-sure reason for the horrific pain that has come and gone the past few weeks. I don't want to go to physical therapy to "learn how to manage". I don't want to have another medical facility get to know me by name and expect to see me regularly. I don't have time for that! I just want a quick answer and treatment, and then to get on with my life. But I suppose, this is my life now. I just need to accept the facts and do what I can to learn, cope and live well.

Wish me luck. Or better yet, pray for me to quit being a whiny baby and "just do it".  :-)

A Great Doctor

       My rheumatologist is a sweetheart.  She shows genuine care and concern, takes all the time needed to answer any questions and put my mind at ease, makes me feel like she wants the absolute best for me.  Aren't these traits something that every physician should possess?  Is there such a thing as an unkind physician?  You bet there is!  I've heard stories of doctors in all fields of medicine, including rheumatology, who belittle patients, making them feel like either "it's all in their head" or it really is no big deal and won't you please stop whining.  I even had the opportunity (only once) to meet with a family physician who made me feel like a nuisance.  Let me tell you, I was thrilled when I found out she was moving to a different practice!

       My point is not to rant about the downfalls of physicians in modern society, nor to steer anyone away or toward a particular physician or medical practice.  The point I am trying to make is a simple one:  DO NOT SETTLE.  If you don't feel comfortable with your current physician, if they make you feel bad about yourself or your symptoms, if their personality rubs you the wrong way, if their bedside manner leaves something to be desired... don't stay with them.  If there is any possible way to try a new doctor, DO IT!  You will never have the optimal results in your medical treatment if you don't feel comfortable with and trust your physician.

I AM GRATEFUL.  I have been blessed with a genuine kindhearted doctor who is helping guide me along this medical journey.  Her soft personality, warm smile and friendly demeanor are a perfect fit for my hesitant, apprehensive, anxious nerves.  I am so glad to have been gifted with a fantastic physician on the first try!  I know many are not as blessed as I and my advice to those of you who struggle to find "the one" is don't give up.  There are many caring physicians (rheumatologists included!) who want only the best for their patients.  I'm so grateful I have one of them.  =)