I AM SO FRUSTRATED!!
So it's a cycle eh? Vicious, circling, painful, aggravating. There is no miracle cure or designer drug that makes it all go away. The medicines we are given often have nasty side effects and we have to make our choices based on the lesser of two evils. My current regimen consists of Plaquenil and prednisone prescriptions, with fish oil and Celadrin gel capsules as "natural aids".
I have not yet started any of the "scarier" drugs but in my current state I almost wish I had. Sure it's only day six of the prednisone but I don't remember it taking this long to kick in the first time. Of course, my foggy head could easily have forgotten the details, it sure wouldn't be the first time and besides, that was a year ago!
Anyway, so I'm waiting out the drugs now right? I mean, what else is there to do? It's not like I can say, "Oh I changed my mind, I don't want this anymore" and someone will magically take the disease back. Sooo irritating, just waiting!! I feel like I've tried everything... extra rest (easy for me to lay around all day), light exercise (the walks felt real good but yesterday wore me out!), ice and heat, heat and ice, drinking tons of water, praying... well, I've sort of done that last one. It's been more like "Please God, I don't know what to do!" muttered through clenched teeth. Which reminds me... if any of you want to pray for me I would more than welcome it. I seem to have a knack for turning my prayers into angry rants and then I close me ears and heart to any answers. Stupid, I know.
Okay, enough of the gripes. What am I thankful for? Um, having a hard time not spitting out cliches like "my family, my dog, electricity, food etc..." oh here's one! I am thankful that my husband is laying next to me playing a game while I vent to my heart's content on the internet. I am glad he has the heart to be around me when I am obviously "grouchy" and that he is wise enough to not ask me "What's wrong?" when it's obvious. Just his presence gives me a little more strength and calm.
On that note, good night y'all. May we all have good long restful sleep and see a better morning tomorrow. Thanks for listening.
I have not yet started any of the "scarier" drugs but in my current state I almost wish I had. Sure it's only day six of the prednisone but I don't remember it taking this long to kick in the first time. Of course, my foggy head could easily have forgotten the details, it sure wouldn't be the first time and besides, that was a year ago!
Anyway, so I'm waiting out the drugs now right? I mean, what else is there to do? It's not like I can say, "Oh I changed my mind, I don't want this anymore" and someone will magically take the disease back. Sooo irritating, just waiting!! I feel like I've tried everything... extra rest (easy for me to lay around all day), light exercise (the walks felt real good but yesterday wore me out!), ice and heat, heat and ice, drinking tons of water, praying... well, I've sort of done that last one. It's been more like "Please God, I don't know what to do!" muttered through clenched teeth. Which reminds me... if any of you want to pray for me I would more than welcome it. I seem to have a knack for turning my prayers into angry rants and then I close me ears and heart to any answers. Stupid, I know.
Okay, enough of the gripes. What am I thankful for? Um, having a hard time not spitting out cliches like "my family, my dog, electricity, food etc..." oh here's one! I am thankful that my husband is laying next to me playing a game while I vent to my heart's content on the internet. I am glad he has the heart to be around me when I am obviously "grouchy" and that he is wise enough to not ask me "What's wrong?" when it's obvious. Just his presence gives me a little more strength and calm.
On that note, good night y'all. May we all have good long restful sleep and see a better morning tomorrow. Thanks for listening.
Keeping you in my prayers that the prednisone finally kicks in and you find your way on this journey to a more pain free path. Even if for just awhile. Every pain free minute counts in my book! (((HUGS)))
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